Loss and grief we need to cope with…
I was 6 when i lost my parents. Indeed, they weren’t dead but since they were divorced i ended up going down beceuse i was taken to an orphanage. I have been missing so much my parents but i was terribly missing my grandmother. She was more than a grandmother for me.
Time was difficult in orphanage. I started to wet my bed, cry every day -even all day -and night because loosing someone is stressful. However, i was hoping that perhaps someone could come to take me home but it never happened. There were pain, memories and unanswered questions, … I even felt that i’ll never be the same – that i’ll never laugh or be whole again-. My sorrow was so great that i thought i would die but it never happened too.
Time has flown by and a lot has happened! I have learned how to cope with loss and grief by developing my own stressegy for. I found out there were healthy ways to cope with loss and grief and to move forward, slowly but surely. Time has flown by and a lot has happened! I faced my loss and grief stopped to blame myself by traying to find a hobby which is a great way to relieve stress and to cope with loss and grief.
I first discovered the taste of reading which was a perfect remedy for my loneliness. No matter your age, the feeling of loneliness is the worst and stressful. To me, reading a new book felt like escaping from orphanage, living a new life, meeting with new people, listening their stories.
However, it was not enough i needed to share mine too. That’s why i started to draw. I did not care if i had a talent for. I was juts drawing anything which was expressing how i feel at that very moment.
Time has flown by imperceptibly, i’ve grown up, have turned to the a young girl both emotionally and physically. I left orphanage and went to university. Time has flown by and a lot has happened! I got my relations back with my parents and my lovely grandmother after years of struggling in the shadows under the stress.
Then, time has flown by and a lot has happened! I recently, lost my lovely grandmother for forever who was the witness of the first six years of my life, who was i couldn’t fall asleep without, who was speaking with a lovely accent, who has a vision of kindness and human compassion and who named me Pınar,….
These days, i’m maintaining my level of stress by using some of my stressegies from my childhood years and by adding new ones to cope loss and grief.
Here is how i do cope with loss and grief and stress of losing my grandmother :
I accept the fact that every living thing is going to die someday. Living or dying is just a part of evolution.
Physics… “Energy can neither be created nor destroyed; rather, it transforms from one form to another.” So, she transformed from one from to another.
I have no regrets. I do not allow myself to be consumed by my sense of guilt : “I wish i could spend more time with her.” I know very well that the circumstances were inappropriate for. So i/we have done what we could at that very time. And now, I cannot change the past.
I try to remember the good times and the best memories i shared with her. Yet, i was lucky enough to have her in my life and to be her grandchild. (Still feel that way!)
I keep myself busy by reading, writing and listening to others’ stories. Those allow me to give myself some space to realize that there are still good things to do.
The most important one, i take care of myself because i am part of her.
“Pas de Deux” from YouTube Audio Library by Bird Creek